First 250 Words Smash! #19

Very Cool Author: Anna
Super Lame Editor: Victoria
Working Title: Through a Glass Darkly

There had always been strange things about their town. No one really had an outstanding face. Everyone had the same couch in their living room. Lines tended to blur the further you left town. If you walked far enough, everything faded to gray. Unless you went to the airport, then you could fly to either Miami or New York City, but there were never flights going anywhere else.

But most of the people who lived in Ridgeville didn’t notice, or care all that much. This was how it had always been. In fact, it never occurred to any of them that any of these things was outside of the norm.

Sometimes there were the voices. Not everyone heard them, and even if a person had heard them, they often tried to pretend it was nothing.

Amy certainly didn’t think it was anything special, and that’s what she told Nikki as they got fries at the burger place.

“...I mean, you haven’t heard them, right?”       

“No,” Nikki shook her head, dark hair pulling loose from her ponytail, as it always did. “But I wonder sometimes...I mean...how do we know there isn’t something...you know, out there?” she gestured widely with her hands.

Amy rolled her eyes. “No way, Niks. All we have is the here and now.”

Nikki nodded slowly, running a fry through the ketchup.

“Hey!” Amy reached across the table and snapped in front of her friend’s face. Nikki jumped and looked up quickly.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

Strong Points--
Right off you set a nice, creepy atmosphere. This town is very intriguing and super weird, and not even in a cliche sort of way. I really like the little things you picked to tell us about Ridgeville, like the strange flights that the airport offers, or the fact that everyone has the same couch or the voices that only certain people hear. Right away you've raised some crucial questions, and you set a pretty good atmosphere.

You've also eased us into the description of your main characters. You avoided the pitfalls of looking in the mirror or a sudden dump of hair color and eye color, and instead you've chosen to spoon-feed us little tidbits here and there. Great job, because it can be all too tempting to unload that all at once. Also, through the conversation, we already have a very good idea of who Nikki and Amy are, and just how different the two girls can be.


Some Tips--
You have a lot of telling in here, as opposed to just showing us that some people here the voices, and some don't. As I stated, I really love what you have going on with the town. But you may want to ask yourself if these would impact your readers greater if you showed that Amy and Nikki and everyone else has the same couch in the same living room, or if you showed that maybe Amy hears these voices and Nikki doesn't.

Also, Nikki and Amy's dialogue comes off as somewhat stilted, or unnatural. When I read it, it just doesn't sound like a real conversation between two friends. It almost comes off as staged, with a tad bit of reader feeder, or things they're saying just because you need the readers to know this information. You use ellipses a lot, and while I don't think they should be omitted altogether, I believe you may want to cut back so that they don't lose their effectiveness. Same with little phrases such as 'I mean'. I don't find anything wrong with them here and there. I'm guilty of it as well, but I'm also aware that they will be taken out in the editing process.

This brings me to dialogue tags. You have actions in here that can't be used as dialogue tags. Nikki can't exactly shake her head "No" or widely gesture that whole question. Those are actions separate from the dialogue, and would be best as a separate sentence. I would even advise you to take out "mumbled" because I believe you can convey this much better. I think you can paint a better picture for us, perhaps with her eyes dropping or her fidgeting. I don't know your character like you do, I don't know what she may do when she's nervous and submissive, but I'm positive you can show us better than using that tag.

Also, I don't really have much of a basis for picturing this burger place. Is it gross and dirty? Is it retro-styled? Is it a family-oriented place or do they serve beers? I don't know. You don't have to dump a ton of details, but I would like you to spoon feed us additional information so that we have a better idea.


Would I keep reading?
Not yet, no. But I am intrigued, and I really love the idea of this town, so please, don't be afraid to resubmit! I would love to see what becomes of this piece!

Writing Exercise: A World in Words

A World in Words

Exercise –
Pick 1-2 characters and drop them in a completely unfamiliar place (perhaps in the world of another story). They don’t know the land, the people, or the rules of the world. Write at least 500 words of the character(s) interacting in this world for the first time.

Goal –
When a reader opens a new book, they don’t know the world like the author does, even if the story takes place in modern times. The reader trusts the author to gradually and naturally show the setting – the time and place – of the story.

The setting isn’t simply a portrait of a place, but a survey of senses, costume, food, climate, languages, technology, architecture, society, government, and everything that brings a world to life.

The key is to show the world only as the characters discover it, as the reader should be able to discover the setting as the characters do. Refrain from telling or explaining. Utilize the senses to reveal unfamiliar materials. If the characters have never known silk before, don’t reference its name. Describe it, how it feels and smells and what the sensation reminds the characters of. The same applies to computers, or food, or even magic.

Tips –

• If you’re having trouble, step into a place you’ve never been in, or a room you rarely frequent, or simply go outside. What do you see first? What smells fight to be recognized? What does the air feel like on your skin? What about any sounds? Even in perfect silence, there’s always something to hear, whether it’s the buzz of a light bulb, the sound of your own breathing, or even the strange ringing in the ears that perfect silence often creates.
• Dialogue is a great tool of active interaction to communicate information, however –
• Avoid reader feeder: don’t have one character iterate information to the other for the sake of the reader. “You know how we just came from our super boring fifth period history of Europe class?” “Oh, the class where our teacher uses paperclips like army knives?” That’s reader feeder. Both characters already know this information and have no need to repeat it to each other.
• Think of clincher details, the heartstrings of a world that give dimension to your setting. Old newspapers, rotted wood, cat hair on furniture, wallpaper that your grandmother would be proud of, hairpins all over the stained carpet.
• Choose only the best details. Don’t drown the reader in description – ground the reader. Don’t control the reader’s imagination, but inspire it. Hold back on revealing all the world’s secrets at once, introduce a spoonful at a time. While writing, jot down everything that comes to mind if you have to, then revise and leave behind only the strongest lines. Use a little to convey a lot.
• If you’re having trouble picking lines or deciding what details are necessary, ask yourself “How important is this detail to the world I’m trying to create? How can I make this detail sharper? Clearer? More original and poignant?”
• Don’t rely on physical description alone. How does the setting make the character feel? How do they physically interact with what’s around them? What does it do to their body chemistry? Revealing these details also brings out your character, how they see this world in comparison to their own, and illuminating how they react in such situations and what they do with what’s given to them.
• Make sure you do your research. For any setting to be portrayed accurately and realistically (even in the case of fantasy), realistic worlds depend greatly on effective research.
• Make a checklist of the points you want to communicate in your exercise. Set a realistic amount of goals for your word count, or check off the points you hit and think about why the other points weren’t hit.

(cross-posted from KSW on Tumblr)

First 250 Word Smash! #18

Stupendous Author: Shannen
Horrendous Editor: Victoria
Working Title: N/A

We've put the rest under a cut! Trigger warning for gore and suicide.

Battling Clichés

Anonymous asked:

What’s wrong with prophecies in a fantasy novel? Specially with the Chosen One. I have it by accident, but it’s kind of different. I think if it’s justified and well done it can work, what do you think? Any advice on writing it and being original? P.S.: I CAN’T delete it, it is really important. Thank you so much!

Taken from TVTropes.org on the archetype “The Chosen One”:

“The ultimate victim (or beneficiary) of Because Destiny Says So. The oldest and most common Super Hero Origin. The easiest way to turn an Ordinary High School Student into the only thing preventing The End of the World as We Know It. Take it for granted that they are the Only One.”

The examples listed above are all tropes in The Chosen One archetype that have been done so many times that their classic definition is a widely recognized cliché. That’s what you want to avoid when it comes to using The Chosen One as a plot device.

When people say not to use the “prophecy” in a fantasy novel, it’s usually because it’s been done to death, and also because it’s used as an unquestionable catalyst to put the story in motion. Oftentimes, instead of components coming together synergistically to create the story, The Prophecy can be used as a cop-out, a “greater power” that cannot be questioned, which propels the story just because.

So, if the answer to the big question of, “Why this character?” is simply, “Because,” that can frustrate readers.

However, this doesn’t mean you need to avoid The Prophecy and The Chosen One at all costs. Classic tropes can be used, there’s nothing wrong with that. Even the dystopia subgenre, only a fairly recently recognized subgenre (although it’s existed for much longer), already has its common set of tropes and clichés.

The trick is to take the trope and do something other than the cliché. If you’ve read widely enough, you know how authors tend to utilize the aforementioned, and you can discern what worked for the story and what didn’t. Take what you know and apply it to your story, do something that you haven’t read yet with The Chosen One, something that hasn’t been done.

Make it fresh, original, twist it, do something different and unexpected.

Sometimes this’ll take a lot of thought and planning. Sometimes you’ll have to pull components from other stories, other genres even (crossing genres is always an awesome way to break out of the typical clichés). Combine different elements and then ask yourself if the story is weighing too much on the cliché.

A trick I use is to write up a summary that would go on the back cover (or the query), and then I can more objectively see what this story might look like to someone else so I can ask myself:

• Does this read like too many other back covers?
• What makes this story unique?
• What stands out?
• If it’s lacking pizzazz, how can I change things up?
• If there are clichés, what can I do to drop-kick some originality into them?

The most important thing in the end is that you write the story that you want to write, because that’s what will keep you writing. Don’t write what people want you to write about, and don’t let people tell you what you shouldn’t write, because plenty of writing advice tells you just that. You’re in charge of your own story, so if your story hinges on The Prophecy and The Chosen One, then work the heck out of it.

• Clichés
• Stereotypes, Tropes, and Archetypes
• Kick the Fantasy Cliché (And Some World Building Tips)
• Ten Fantasy Clichés That Should Be Put to Rest 

(cross-posted from KSW on Tumblr)

Describing Colors

yourfavouritewalkingcorpse submitted:

http://phrontistery.info/colours.html

just found this really neat list of mostly obscure colour words, it was helpful for me in finally coming up with the right shade of brown i was trying to describe. thought it might be helpful to others!

This is a pretty cool list, and it would be especially helpful for anyone who’s writing an artist or a fashion/interior designer — characters who definitely know their colors and might use some of the more known from the list (like terracotta, mauve, ochre, etc.).

However, it’s also important to keep in mind that colors referred to by their name can be tantamount to medical terminology. Without unpacking, readers might not know what an electrocardiogram is or what it does, and the same goes for words like croceate, griseous, or mazarine.

Even the more known colors like terracotta (which Crayola taught me when I got the big boxes), only have as much significance as the writer gives it.

“Her skin was terracotta.”

Versus:

“Her skin was the color of the clay earth in New Mexico when the sun set and the ground caught fire.”

Sometimes simply terracotta is perfectly necessary, sometimes it’s all that’s needed, but sometimes describing the color instead of giving it away is a chance to breathe life into a simple word.

Thanks for the link!


(cross-posted from KSW on Tumblr)

Creating Unstable Characters

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips on writing insane characters? I haven’t been able to balance insanity with a real personality. Back story was he killed his son in a fit of rage, his wife stays with him out of love and the knowledge that she can control him to an extent to stop him from hurting others. Is it possible to have a fully insane character with bouts of sanity?

I instantly thought of the movie “A Beautiful Mind”, which is brilliantly done in regards to watching the main character’s downward spiral—but I don’t want to spoil it.

Remember your character is a reflection of real people, and so your character should be as developed as any of your other characters. He should be many-sided, with desires, flaws, strengths, contrasting and complimenting elements with other characters, and the ability to change (whether for good or bad). The character he is in the beginning should not be the character he is by the end.

So, here are some questions to fortify his foundation:

• What is the source of your character’s insanity? What drove him to this point? Was it a mental disorder? Something that happened to him in his childhood? If you’ve decided on a mental disorder, there should be a clear progression of how he fell apart, but also keep in mind that, predominately, a mental disability isn’t enough to drive someone to murder. “Nurture” is just as important as “Nature”, so don’t rely on a disability alone, as it perpetuates an unrealistic and harmful notion that those with disabilities are inherently and unpredictably dangerous.
• Does he have the capacity to think logically? Is his thought process coherent and understandable? Is it sympathetic or twisted? How does his mind tick and why does it tick that way? Characters don’t have to be sympathetic, although it adds a human element that readers can associate and identify with (which consequently causes readers to question whether or not they’re rooting for this character). Consistency, however, is important. Readers need to understand how a character started at point A and ended up at point F – unless the character himself doesn’t even know (as an unreliable character/narrator, which is always good fun), and perhaps experiences such things as blackouts in memory.
• What does your character want?  Does he want to stop hurting others? Does he want his wife to help him? What is he willing to do to achieve his goals? What’s stopping him? What’s standing in his way and how does he tackle it? Does he take medication to keep himself stable? Does he want to take this medication? Showing his struggles and his failures and how he gets back up, if he does, adds to his character dimension.

Do not let his insanity define him – rather, he should be the one to define his insanity through his actions. This goes for any character with an atypical lifestyle. People are not defined by what they are — they define what they are as people. The moments where he’s stable should reveal who he is.

Additionally, make sure it’s clear and believable why his wife still stays with him. What’s their history? Why does she love him? What does she see in him that compels her to stay? Is she staying with him because she loves him or is she staying with him because she’s afraid of him? How does she stop him from hurting others? How does it affect her?

(cross-posted from KSW on Tumblr)

250 Words Smash! #17

Most Wonderful Author: Nicole Dilorio
Most Evil Critique Master: Sarah
Working Title: Otherland

I was 12 when Malley took me home from the hospital. I had been in a coma for three months and woke up with amnesia. She told the hospital she was my aunt. According to her, I had fallen from the top of a jungle gym and hit my head. I had no memories to dispute this, so I assumed it to be true.

Malley told me we had been homeless, and that I hadn’t gone to school for the past few years. I was told we now lived above a shop that she owned. She said I could go to public school if I wanted, but that it was up to me.

I had no idea what I wanted. I was a twelve year old with amnesia, going home with a stranger. Yet, I had felt a strange stirring in me, the desire to learn everything that could be learned. On the bus ride home from the hospital I said yes, yes I wanted to go to school. That changed when Malley and I got home to her shop.

It was a small corner bookshop, next to a quiet looking diner on Allan Place. The sign above the door read “Otherland” in curly gold script, and then beneath that, in smaller gold letters “Books for all ages and interests”. Malley fumbled around in her tattered brown tote bag for the key and unlocked the door.

Inside were rows upon rows of shelves, with books squeezed into every available space.

Strong Points –
There’s an interesting premise starting up here and lots of questions that are asked. Some word choices are interesting, like how the main character never really confirms that Malley is her aunt, and it’s interesting how the main character is pretty much just a passive figure so far. I wonder how that will change throughout the story.


Some Tips –
As much as I like the questions that are asked, this is a good example of openings that should be cut out entirely. Here are the reasons:

• This is all telling, not showing, not until we get to the bookshop. In essence, it’s exposition, or basically a summary of events that have already happened (and these seem like pretty important events). It’s filler instead of story, which certainly has its place, but definitely not in the opening.
• I know you told me it’s a prologue (which you shouldn’t have!) but it also, unfortunately, reads like a prologue. Or, in other words, it reads like it’s only going to be a setup for the actual story, instead of starting where the story truly begins. It’s sort of like describing a character all at once before they even enter the scene.
• I don’t know anything about the main character. Well, I know something of what happened to her, according to Malley, but I don’t know a thing about who the main character actually is. As I mentioned, she’s a completely passive force in this opening. Things happen to her, and she does little other than tell us about these things.

Make sure you’ve done all your reading on what to think about with including a prologue (here’s a link, here’s another link, and my favorite link on prologues by an actual literary agent). I want you to weigh heavily on whether or not this prologue helps or hinders your story. If the prologue's only goal is to introduce this bookstore, this is something that can be introduced as the story unfolds. Instead of telling us the bookstore is magical (or whatever the case may be), show us that through the story as the plot develops. We don't need a prologue to tell us the bookstore is important if the story shows us how important the bookstore is. A prologue like that doesn't carry its weight, and might even be redundant, or take away from the story instead of add to. Be very objective about this.

So, essentially, whether or not you decide to keep the prologue, my advice is to cut this opening entirely and get right to the story. Start as close to the inciting incident as you can (anything before that is simply setup or exposition, but having some in the beginning is perfectly okay). Or, these first few paragraphs should be unpacked, as in, instead of the main character telling us about how she woke up with amnesia, show her waking up with amnesia. Do be aware, however, that the "waking up with amnesia" trope does straddle the cliche, so make sure you put a fresh take on it to keep from falling into clicheville.


Would I Keep Reading?
No, but I’d like to see you resubmit! I think I’d be able to help you better then!

Good luck! ♥