Breaking Writing Habits

Habits in writing are natural. Like any other habit, they serve as a safety net and a place where we can surround ourselves in comfortable things that work for us. In short fiction, these habits might not stand out so much. In long fiction, however, repetitious formulas can jolt a reader from the narrative.

The list below is a few pointers on craft habits that I tend to give writers during the critique process. They’re only guidelines, not rules, and as such are totally meant to be ignored at any given time.


Passages of time
I once critiqued a writer who used “she waited a beat” as a way to express a moment passing, and I hadn’t seen this before, so I liked it. But then she used it again. And again.

There might be times where simply “a moment passed” is completely necessary. Oftentimes, however, it doesn’t need to be done. Instead, it might be possible to actually describe what happens in that moment, whether it’s simply just the characters seething with tension and expressing it physically.

“She looked away. They were silent for a tense moment.”

Versus:

“She looked away. Her fingers picked at her jeans. The breeze tickled the gathering sweat on the back of her neck.”


Transitions
Extra steps of action can be used as a tool to slow down the narrative or create a certain mood, but if that’s not the intention, then this might be the end result:

“She walked down the hall and grabbed the doorknob. She unlocked the deadbolt and pushed open the door. She stepped outside.”

This is a lot of unnecessary fat that would be trimmed right off in revision. Not every second of a scene (or between scenes) needs to be captured if there’s not plot or character development, so it’s fine if all that is summed up to simply:

“She went outside.”


Distancing phrases
I/she/he: felt, saw, heard, tasted, touched, etc. Any time the aforementioned is used, the writer removes the reader from the story one full step. Instead of diving headfirst into the description, this makes the reader test the water with their big toe first.

“I heard the wolf cry.”
“The wolf cried.”

“I tasted cinnamon.”
“Cinnamon burned on my tongue.”

“I touched the cold water.”
“The cold water stung my fingertips.”

In moderation, at the right moments, perhaps to create a certain mood or to communicate a sort of disconnect (such as in dreams or fragmented memories), using these phrases can be effective as well.


Word tics
Words like “back” and “around” are my greatest dependencies. I use them so frequently that everyone is looking back or turning back or reaching back or handing back. Even worse, sometimes my characters will turn back around.

Word tics stunt a writer in creatively approaching action. I’ve read about agents who loathe the word “look” and said to simply describe what the character is seeing. There are certainly times where these words are absolutely necessary, but they shouldn’t serve as a crutch. (You can read more about word tics in this post.)


Clichés
Clichés lose their meaning over time, and because of this, they often don’t work well in regards to description.

“He had a chiseled face.”

“Her eyes sparkled like diamonds.”

These are phrases that have been used and abused to the point where readers will glaze over the cliché in question without digesting the words, or readers will read the cliché and think of another story where they last read it. (Or maybe even roll their eyes because diamonds.)

As writers, it’s our job to invent new ways to describe the same things. It’s also important to note that clichés can be reinvented, a twisted new take on old phrases, so to speak, and also that some characters might simply be prone to clichés as part of who they are.


Awesome unusual words
Sometimes we find a super cool word that we love to use and reuse. It simply works in a sentence and conveys precisely what we want to convey. The word might not be all that unusual, but strange enough that it stands out if we use it twice in a chapter. The more we use it, the more it loses its efficacy.

“The blistering cold shower water…”
“The blistering wind…”

Let’s assume the first example sentence just needs to have the word blistering. In that case, it might actually be best to rework the second sentence to let the reader infer the word “blistering”.

“The wind ripped the swell of condensation from her lips. Her eyes burned as she crossed the patches of grass, her stiff fingers buried deep in the pockets of her coat. She knew the sparse green blades would be dead with frost in the morning.”


(cross-posted from KSW on Tumblr)

A Small Update!

Hey, all! We just want to let you know that the blogger here is certainly not dead. I've written quite a bit of content for our Tumblr, which updates daily. If you don't follow us on Tumblr, we recommend you do, because that's always active.

We have a backlog of 250 Words Smash applicants that we'll be climbing into in the near future (recent creative endeavors have been extremely distracting), so look forward to that!

Also, I'll probably start a slow trickle of transferring posts from the Tumblr to here. There's some really good ones.

And I just want to share with you guys what we look like when you google "Keyboard Smash Writers":

WAH. It's so neat and cool and fancy and official-looking and, and, and.

The layout here has also been updated to match the Tumblr. I was so freakin' tired of the ugly background that I finally kicked myself into changing it (and I'd meant to change only the background, but then I ended up spending hours changing both the background and the header, sigh).

For now, I'll start working on a queue for posts to update here. If you have a 250 Words Smash waiting in our inbox, feel absolutely free to revise and resend to us (just make sure you mention it's revised in the subject so we don't pick out your previous submission).

That's it for now. We'll have some BIG news come June!

First 250 Words Smash! #12

Courageous Author: Talya
Horrible Editor: Victoria
Working Title: Sightseeker

There was a dead man behind the funeral director. Jackson knew it was crazy; to claim a dead man was behind anything but a coffin didn't even make sense. But, as much as he tried to reason, the more he found there was no other explanation.

He barely breathed, the dead man, something that could explain the pasty blue tinge under his skin. His hands should have been pink, but were blue, just like his face above a line of red that circled his neck like a noose.  He barely moved too—inhumanly so.

Jackson couldn't help but to think hawk or, worse, vulture as dead loomed over living. Boy, did that spirit loom.

“Miss Walsh, if you need time to decide on a coffin, we most certainly can hold this portion off a bit,” the director said.

Maybe fat blocked feeling. The director seemed coiled in his fatness; rolls on rolls of fat bubbled over his collar, manifesting a chinless neck that could fold into three sections. Mighty rude, but who was Jackson to know how sensing the dead worked?

But if fat controlled astral detection, then that meant his aunt should have been screaming by now. Granted, she was close, but the reason was for what she knew, not for what she saw.

“Thank you kindly for the concern,” she said. Her voice cracked. “But we can’t keep holding off on things. The funeral will never get done.”

Strong Points—

So between your older version and this one, this is much, much better. I’m pleased with the improvement you made, and this is a whole different story to me now! Your opening line is still a great hook, and from there it only gets better.

The description of the ghost is still wonderful, very haunting, especially when compared to a vulture that looms behind the director. You’ve painted a particularly vivid image of this thing and it is far from being human like it used to be. This thing gives me the creeps in the best possible way.

Jackson also has a particularly interesting voice, and he lightens the situation up with his internal commentary. His vision of the obese funeral director certainly spells him out as a bit of a douche, but almost an endearing one. His character is apparent right from the get go. ‘Mighty rude’ actually got a lol out of me.


Some Tips—

You have a few parts in here where you can eliminate mentioning Jackson. When you have sentences that say things such as ‘Jackson couldn’t help but to think’ or ‘Jackson knew’. Since this is, for all that we know, from Jackson’s POV, we already know it’s Jackson who is experiencing these thoughts and sights. When you eliminate that, you put us one step closer to the action and the sensation instead of removing us from it.

Also, there are some adjectives that you don’t need in here. They only bog down your narrative. Things like ‘He barely moved’. This is unnecessary and clunky, and it doesn’t paint as vivid of a picture as you could with other, more definite words.

Really, you’ve improved so much that you took all of the advice I never got to give you. Everything I would have wrote for your first submission was eliminated with this one, so go you! My last bit of advice is yours to take or leave, as it’s up to you and Jackson, but I find he is very calm for someone seeing a ghost. Perhaps he’s seen more ghosts that we have yet to hear of, maybe he’s had other experiences that have conditioned him. I don’t know. But he is looking at a ghost and almost joking about it, which isn’t quite normal.


Would I keep reading?

My answer to the first one was yes, but this is a much more enthusiastic YES! I love your character, and I love how you’ve described the ghost. I very much look forward to more, and I thank you so much for resubmitting this newest version!

Reading Critically For Writers

An inherent part of writing well is reading well. It’s not enough to simply take good books and read them and love them to pieces – we do lots of this already. Honing our skills as writers depends on how much we write and how well we read.

Writers grow by switching on the critical eye and analyzing why particular books worked. Book reviewers often summarize the important elements of the story and judge whether or not the story worked for them overall. Literary analysis is more dissecting the text looking for themes and meaning and reflections of the author’s troubled love life.

Writers, however, can benefit from looking into the seemingly simplest elements, the tiny threads that weave together and form the entire tapestry. We first learn to speak by listening to others and imitating vocal patterns. We learn to write by imitating what we read, and we learn to write better by reading more effectively.

Here are some things to look for as you read:

• What scenes of the story read faster than others? What parts make you turn the page without thinking and what parts give you the opportunity to stifle a yawn? Look for sources of tension or conflict, especially if either is steadily rising. Look for points in the story where characters move the plot, or the plot moves the characters.
• Sentence flow carries a narrative. Follow how the author played with sentence length in both slower and faster scenes. Study their techniques in speeding up or easing back on the speed of the narrative. When were longer sentences used? How about shorter? What effect did it generate?
• Look at the dialogue on its own, without any surrounding action or tags. Just the dialogue. Can the characters be told apart by certain nuances with speaking patterns, idiosyncrasies, or colloquialisms?
• How are the surroundings described? What sorts of things does the environment reveal without ever directly telling the reader? Clothes, food, building materials, and even character? How does this indirectly reveal the setting? The time and place?
• With a particular scene that carries a very thick, defining atmosphere or mood, look for colors and sensations. Look for word choices that carry a subliminal effect, the way the narrator or characters regard their surroundings. Even easily overlooked signs such as body language can make an impact.
• Study how the five senses are utilized, as well as how creatively the author approached using the senses. If the author used any clichés, then in what way? Were the clichés redone with a fresh take? Used in an unexpected manner?
• How did each chapter or scene or section carry the rising action? What moved the story from point A to B and how did the characters reflect this?
• If the story had multiple points of view, how did each point of view differ? What was the tone of the language used? How did the various points of view carry their weight in the story? How did those characters impact the plot?
• Why did you like a particular character? What made them appealing or rounder? What sorts of qualities gave them dimension? What scenes really elevated them from the page and turned them into real people?
• Why did you not like a particular character? What had you expected out of them? Where did they fail to deliver?
• What are the subplots? How are the subplots developing beneath the central plot? By the end of the story, how were the subplots solved?
• How did the author tie off the ending? Were all your questions answered? Did you throw the book at the wall or cradle it gently to your bosom? How did the beginning and the end tie together? What was your lasting impression of the book?

There are a ton of other questions to ask as writers read, but getting started is key. As the critical eye develops, asking these questions will become a natural part of reading and it becomes easier to see more and more of the threads that compromise the story.

The biggest problem I’ve had so far is that the critical eye doesn’t seem to have an off button!

First 250 Words Smash! #11

Sacrificial Lamb Author: Yali Noriega || Peripeciasdeunaerreita @ Blogspot
Hungry Editor: Victoria
Working Title: N/A

It was early morning when Carmen woke up, the sunlight coming in through the bullseye their cabin had for a window. It seemed brighter somehow; perhaps it was the reflection of the water, or maybe it was all in her mind, but everything felt different. Last night at dinner, the Captain told his passengers they would be pulling into New York City Harbor early today and she had decided she wanted to be out on the deck to see it. The week long voyage was finally arriving, and she was more than ready to land. It was the beginning of a new life for her; she could not wait.

Carmen changed quickly, taking care not to upset the carefully packed trunk, slipped on her shoes and left her sleeping husband behind. She felt the chill, salty morning air, and it scared away what sleep was left in her. Carmen's eyes were wide with wonder: as fas as she could see there were buildings and construction sites, the statue of Liberty on a tiny island, an enormous expanse of land full of houses and, she imagined, squares, markets, parks, people. The city seemed to stretch all the way to the water and finish abruptly there. Except it didn't; the harbor was full of ships of all sizes, some docked, some moving. She was barely arriving and she already could already how busy this place was; it made her eager to begin this adventure, explore the city, make it hers. 

Strong Points--

 I think the second paragraph is your strongest. You create the best pictures in there, and we get the best sense of voice. Things like 'make it hers' and 'scared away what sleep was left in her' really give me the best details, even without you having to say much about it. They give your character voice and life. It also provides the most insight to Carmen. I'd have to guess, off the top of my head, that this is a historical piece from the words 'trunk' and 'markets'.

I also liked some of the imagery you painted for us. The idea that the city goes right up to the shoreline and then spills over as the boats, the tiny island with a big statue, the bullseye window with the bright light leaking in, those moments really help us visualize what Carmen sees.


Some Tips--

I hate to say it, but I would probably take out most of the first paragraph. It's mostly unnecessary, as the important details come in the second paragraph. We don't need to know she decided she wanted to be on the deck when they pull in--we know that by the fact that she's there. We don't need to be told that it's New York City, as the Statue of Liberty is a key indicator. Utilize that and cut out the things that we can learn later. There is so much potential here, and a tickling tease that makes me want to know why she had to come to the States to start anew, but everything is bogged down by the fatty edges. Trim that off and polish the hook of your opening.

Your character's voice shines when it's there, as I pointed out earlier. They give me an idea of who Carmen is and what she's feeling. But I don't feel it's in there enough. You have a great starting point, now feel free to embellish it with a little more of Carmen's personal flair.

Also, please avoid telling with things such as 'eyes wide with wonder'. The short description of her round eyes coupled with her whirring thoughts is perfectly enough. We as the reader want to feel her wonder, not be told that she is experiencing it. Another way to help this is to take out words such as 'felt' and 'saw'. Since this is more or less from Carmen's POV, we know she's the one feeling it and seeing it, and these words are just a middle man that bog down your sentences.


Would I keep reading?

Unfortunately, not just yet. I don't feel I have enough to really get me going, but I think that would be helped a lot by taking most of that first paragraph out. That leaves room for more 250 Word Smashes, after all.  But I am intrigued, so please resubmit if you choose to edit it! Pretty please?

<3 <3 <3 <3

First 250 Words Smash! #10

Most Wonderful Author: JPearl
Most Evil Critique Master: Sarah
Working Title: N/A

  

"If you screw this up, I swear to god I will have your ass removed from U of P's enrollment list. And don't think for a second that you'll have a home to come back to."

Loving words spoken by my dear father, Michael J. DiMarco, as we pulled into the driveway of the house that would soon become my prison. Why, exactly, would I be stuck there?

See, I was never what my father would consider to be a "good" kid. He seemed to ignore the fact that I had almost all A's in school, a ridiculous amount of friends and membership in all my hoity-toity prep school's elite and exclusive clubs (and dashingly good looks, if I may add).  Instead he focused in on my reputation as a partying, trouble making player.

As my school's board of directors would say, pish posh.

"I know, Dad. Maybe you should get tested for Alzheimer's or something, because you've repeated that multiple times," I retorted.

Cue Angry Michael face.

Anyway, despite the fact that I had a 'bad' reputation, I never did anything that bad. Trust me, I played plenty of pranks, got high in school on more than one occasion, and often slept with two girls within the same party, but compared to some people, I was a perfect little angel. By some people, I mean the majority of my friends. That would also include the three ass brains who had gotten me stuck here in the first place.

 

Strong points –

Instantly noted the voice is very strong. “Cue Angry Michael face”? Brilliant. “As my school’s board of directors would say, pish posh.” Little effortless bits like that really plant clues about the main character and, gosh, he sounds like quite the jerk so far: “despite the fact that I had a ‘bad’ reputation, I never did anything bad.” It also seems to me he’s an unreliable narrator in that regard, which is awesome. I already hope he learns his lesson by the end of the story.

So far, he sounds like a completely honest, rebellious college guy (and I’m only guessing that your main character is a ‘he’, which may or may not be true). Awesome job on that, and awesome job on natural narrative flow. No awkward sentences or technical issues that gave me pause. It was an easy ride to the end.

Some tips –

Your main character does quite a bit of ‘explaining himself’ in the opening, which would constitute exposition. In the opening, for a faster pace and a quicker hook (especially for the YA audience, or the insofar controversial NA, if that’s what you’re aiming for), you want to refrain from giving up too much so quickly.

Capitalize on the action, what’s happening, starting with the characters arriving at “the house that would soon become my prison”, because this is the question that you’re giving your readers: why is the main character being shipped off here and why is it a prison? Why does dad think he’s going to screw up what’s about to happen?

When you ask these questions, don’t feel the need to answer them so quickly. Drop clues in dialogue. If you allude to the answers in your character’s thoughts, give specific events instead of a vague reference to parties and bad behavior. Vague references don’t stick with readers like true examples do. “I played plenty of pranks, got high in school on more than one occasion, and often slept with two girls within the same party” could be stronger if unloaded with actual examples.

If you want to convey that he’s rebellious and dislikes his father and the situation he’s been dumped in, I’d suggest you show it through dialogue and body language. You could try to lead into dialogue with stage action instead of relying on a dialogue tag that doesn’t carry its weight. For example:

"I know, Dad. Maybe you should get tested for Alzheimer's or something, because you've repeated that multiple times," I retorted.

If you lead into the dialogue with your character folding his arms or sinking lower into his seat or whatever it may be, you reader can hear the tone of his words through how he acts.

I’ve also noticed that you seem to be aiming for a specific type of POV that addresses the reader (AKA “third person universal omniscient”). If this was your intention and you intend to carry through the rest of the story in this way, I’d suggest taking out filler words like “see” and “trust me”. Although a natural part of dialogue, these words carry little meaning in a modern narrative sense and tend to clutter the narrative as well.

Anyway, in essence, capitalize on your action before background, and clue into background as you progress. This will help speed things up and let your readers find the answers to the questions you ask, instead of you answering all the questions for your readers.

Would I keep reading?

I’m going to say yes, at least to find out what dad thinks your main character might screw up (especially since it seems like the main character might get turned on his head, and I already have the need to read that).

Good luck and thanks for the submission (also a million sorrys that this took so long – it got a little lost in our email). ♥♥♥!  

First 250 Words Smash! #9

Brave, Bold Author: Cee
Terrible, Horrible Editor: Victoria
Working Title: N/A

Long ago, there was a maid, not a maiden.  She is fair, but more importantly she is brave and canny and just a bit mad.  Perched on the bed, grimy with misuse, she listens for the step on the stair.  She breathes and her hands still, slipping the stiletto within the casing of her corset.  Whore’s get, they call her.  Maybe they’re right; maybe her road always led here.

The door opens and before it can close, she has the man pinned against the wall, her knife at his throat and fire in her eyes.

“I will not.”

Defiant, she stares him down.  He’s young.  She hadn’t expected that.  Youths, they think they should get it for free until she reminds them, scarring words written in silver and blood across their hearts.

His hands raise, the fear raw in his eyes, and she’s not yet cruel enough to ignore a cry for mercy.  She pulls the blade back, a single bead of blood staining the fine lawn of his shirt.  He’s pretty, really.  

“Please.”  His voice is hoarse. “I mean you no harm.  So don’t kill me; I’m really rather attached to this body.  I have a proposition for you.”

In a flash, the knife is back.

“Not that!”  He flails, trying to evade any further nicks or worse.  "If I swear to any God you wish that I have no intention of touching you, will you put the damn thing down?"

Strong Points--

 You wasted no time in getting to the action, which is a really good way to hook us into the story. It's all too easy to start a story with exposition that we think is important, but you didn't do that. Good! I'd much rather dive right into the story and find out what the heck is going on as we travel ahead!

Also, we get a good sense of character asap. Your lead female, her actions speak volumes about what kind of girl she is and what kind of awful things have already been done to her, as well as what they've turned her into. It also shows a lot about the boy that he's willing to do just about anything to not get slain, so he's kind of a pansy, but that's okay.

You've snuck a few good descriptor words in there, such as the 'grimy' bed and mentioning her corset (which can really set what sort of time period this may be happening in).

Some Tips--

I found a lot of telling. 'She is fair, but more importantly she is brave and canny and just a bit mad', 'defiant', and 'she’s not yet cruel enough to ignore a cry for mercy' for starters. These are things that would be so much more powerful if you showed us how she does this, as opposed to just outright telling us.

In fact, I think this article that WriteWorld did on showing vs. telling does a much better job than I could, so check that out! It will help strengthen your narrative and make this exponentially more wonderful.

Also, I would highly suggest changing your first line or two. They're right there in cliche territory, and it's best to avoid those at all costs. I do appreciate the comparison to a fairytale, and the stark contrast between a fairytale setting and what we have here, however, I would prefer to see it done in other ways, such as your themes, your situations, your characters, and some twisted tropes.

More imagery would also greatly help me visualize what I'm seeing. I already pointed out some good descriptors, now push that. What kind of room is she in? Is it dark or light? What does 'pretty' mean to your character in regards to a boy?  There's so much information a setting can give, so utilize that.

Would I Keep Reading?

I think I may, as I'm intrigued by your main character. Who doesn't love a bamf? I think that if you fix these things and resubmit, though, I will be begging you to read more. They will turn an okay opening into a punch in the face.

A good punch in the face.

Good luck, and please resubmit!! <3 <3 <3 <3